Dream Interpreter AI™

Crying for Redemption and Self-Acceptance

I dream I am with two other people - one I think a women is an artist and a man who I don’t know what he does we are so lost. Someone tells me to go into the house and ask for help. The front door is open and we have to somehow go through this house to get out the other side but I open the living room door but instead of giving us directions she comes back with three notes - descriptions of our characters. There is a word to describe me that I have never heard but when translated it means I am pure evil. He says to the artist that on her note she is timorous and the man I don’t know what he is but the culmination is is that we are still lost and have to go back the way I came. I try to defend myself and I start crying and crying a whole village turns against me. I then am back with my parents I am questioning my father if I am evil but he doesn’t protect me or help me. I say my mother has told me that as a child I was pure evil and I am sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. Apparently she insists that I was - I said maybe it was because I was too enthusiastic and curious about life and I was too much but she insists that I was and they had to get rid of me. My father says nothing. Again I am inconsolable. I can’t get to Julia so I go to see this man I have never seen before. I tell him my story he is a therapist but he has a female in the room and they are both trying to reassure me it’s not true I then say that with the nun I w s told I was evil - it is time for me to leave but I can’t stop crying I am the most genuine I have ever been. I say I read somewhere that we choose our parents before birth - they say I have no idea if that’s true but they are trying to console me - there is a badness and madness there in that somewhere I had agreed with my mother. Again I am crying. My time talking with this man is over and I have to get back to Jonathan but I am desperate to understand myself and the repetitions of my life. I am still crying but though I have to go to an enormous function they encourage me to put myself first and I say I will not stay long I will go home and rest. It wakes me up in distress and I thought this is what Julia meant by crying and crying - there is a part of the dream that is vague that I am trying to be friend my sister but it doesn’t work she doesn’t want me in her life. At the end of the day I understand there was nothing to protect me from repeating the trauma of Jonathan. I have this thought that when he dies I say ‘ it’s over ‘ I realise that what Julia says is true I have to forgive myself from what I cannot do for my friends that is that they want me to leave Jonathan. All Ollie says is Mum all your life you have been lonely and cared for others. All I want is for you to put yourself first. Jonathan has a lot of good points as does Ken but the most important thing is you taking care of yourself first. I then understand again the depth of what I am crying for - one is not understanding it all -the trajectory it is as the post Eliot says other people’s pain is more accessible than our own true suffering. It’s 6 am Jonathan wakes up screaming I say what’s wrong he says I need to go to the loo I can’t hold anything. He then goes to the loo. He says why are you awake I say because I have had that terrible nightmare about my mother - he says do you need a cuddle I say I do but I have to get this out of me do the nightmare stops he says okay and I say it’s okay go back to sleep. I hear the dogs barking I feel as if Napa knows I am suffering I go downstairs to get her to come back to bed with me - just as I did with the dogs of my childhood. I must book another session with Julia to tell her about the dream and the crying and finally being genuinely myself and knowing the place for the first time.